As much as I want to feel positive about serving the Nation, I really want to get back to my life… I seem to feel worse every book in. I know that I am already a very fortunate recruit and there are others who are going through worse things. I am not complaining about the experience but I really want to get back to my life…

To the life when I had more time to myself… To read my books. To game my DS Lite. To surf the Internet. To hang out with friends. To go shopping. To sing Karaoke. To listen to my music. To study. To watch TV. To watch movies. To simply stay home. To do all the things I can with my time…

It’s only my fifth week and I am tired of it. How am I going to survive my next 8 weeks or further 99 weeks in service…? Seems like all the vulnerable mind fortresses I previously built have fallen… Those vulnerable mind fortresses I built just to delude myself into accepting enlistment…

I am now ready to accept. Accept that I am reluctant to serve. I don’t want to feel miserable serving but a fact’s a fact. Isn’t there much more misery to continue running away from the fact…? However, I helplessly have to fulfil my liability… Instead of lamenting more, I should overturn the whole gridlock to my advantage…

During and after my National Service, I am going to need quite a bit of money… For my facials, entertainment, outings, University fees, maybe a business venture, etc. My higher purpose to serve, is to become a commander for the higher payslip to finance my life! Now I feel much better about serving… Ha!